My birthday is in two days, I’m afraid I’m going to be alone and fat. I don’t really have any good friends, I have people that tell me that they’re my friends only when I’m complaining about having no friends. I will not allow anybody to get close to me, and more or less I assume that people wouldn’t want to be close to me, because I’m so repulsive. I haven;t weighed myself in a couple of days, I’m super afraid I’ve gained a tonne of weight, I feel like I have anyway. I wish someone would actually take notice of the fact that I’m desperately lonely without making me feel pathetic. My ””’friends”” might send me a pity invitation to come out in town, but it’ll just be pity because I’m the token fat weird girl who gets left alone when they find guys or go dancing. I miss the guy that I used to hang out with, he’s with a skinnier girl now. I’m anxious my parents will ask me if i’m going out and If I say ‘no’ they’ll give me the sympathy look that makes me want to die. Skinny girls don’t have to deal with sympathy looks. The one person I want to talk to is the only person who’s more socially reclusive then me, and she’s hard to get a hold of. I really feel like I don’t have friends just ‘people I know’. I want my skin to drown in bones. I don;t want to out for dinner for my birthday, I don’t wat anyone to hug me. I don;t want facebook wall comments from people that I don;t talk to the other 365 days in the year. I want to talk to my friend whom I fucked things up with and shit’s heap awkward between us now, because I hate her friends so I lashed out at her. Another day of staying home for me tomorrow, I just want to sleep through the next week. I just want to sleep until all my fat is gone. I’ve been really sick lately so I’ve done the bare minimum of excercises and haven;t kept my calorie intake as low as I have liked, I’m dreading stepping on those scales tomorrow. Fuck my fat, fuck my lack of friends, fuck my birthday.